East Is East - Pat Pending

Using the pen name of Pat Pending, Ed Moody contributed many lighthearted poems to Ralph Page's Northern Junket magazine. This one, from 1955, comes at a time when Western calling was making inroads into New England. (Connecticut caller Al Brundage in particular was responsible for introducing this different fast paced style,)

Today in New England, we might use terms such as "traditional" and "modern" to differentiate between two different styles of squares. In the '50s, Eastern and Western were the common terms.

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Oh, East is East, and West is West
   And never the twain shall meet
Til earth and sky stand presently
   On God's great judgement seat.
But there is neither East nor West,
   Nor border breed nor birth
When two strong men face up to the mike,
   Though they come from the ends of the earth!
Some stupe loused up the master's prompts
   which were the master's pride,
By hashing them with Western breaks
   A-putting them side by side.
But it mixes with our Yankee call
   As vinegar does with milk.
A Yankee master prompteth you;
   Sticks strictly to his last.
A-calling quadrilles old and new,
   But too goddam fast!
He guides his dancers comfortably
   All through an eve of fun,
Then in the cloak room and the John
   His dancers say "Well done."

The Western caller patters on,
   You go like hell-a-whoopin',
When midnight comes, as it always does,
   Your fanny it is droopin'.
But Western dancing's also fun,
   Though faster, that's for sure;
And the Western caller's quite a man
   So long as he keeps it pure.
Now all this leads to that awful stupe .
   Who has himself misled;
Who tries to mix the East and West
   And kills his dancers dead.
Keep the East as East and the West as West
   To personal choice betwixt 'em,
For they surely make a stinkin' mess
   When an amateur tries to mix 'em.
So listen stupe, get on the ball
   And give your calls a cleaning;
Do East as East and West as West
   But draw a line between 'em.
For East is East and West is West
   And never the twain should meet,
Lest two strong men take turns at the mike
   With dancers on their feet;
For there is good in West or East,
   Use each for what it's worth,
But do not mix them in one dance,
   Let's settle down to earth.

PAT PENDING